January 2010
1 post
Jay Leno
In the year 3000 Jay Leno returns to host a piece of crap show doing the same comedic crap he has always done. When NBC executives realize what a heaping pile of mess Leno is, they do the most logical thing. They push the crap further into the night blocking out the sun, our heroic COCO. Conan takes it like a man and promises vengeance and retribution to all the NBC twits that made him and his...
August 2009
1 post
District 9
In the year 3000 District 9 (where aliens are kept) will not take place in South Africa but will take place in Southern California. District 9’s name will be changed to Los Angeles.
July 2009
1 post
Larry King
In the year 3000 Lary King discovers twitter as a viable communicaiton option. Unfortunately the internet no longer exists and Lary King is now an astounding 162 years old.
June 2009
4 posts
Michael Jackson
In the year 3000 Michael Jackson passes away way too early and with so much more left to give. People will always wonder how many more child molestation charges he could have accumlated and ultimately payed off. You will be missed.
Steven Seagal
In the year 3000 the Orlando Magic miss a God-awful 15 free throws out of 37 and completely unravel. Hoping to one-up the Magic, Steven Seagal kicks his way through another poorly acted, director-less movie with more punches and eye squinting than any human can take in a 90 minutes. Mission accomplished Steven, mission accomplished.
Co Co
In the year 2000 Co Co (Conan O’brien) makes his triumphant return to television. Coincidently, Douche (Spencer) makes his return to television only to look more like a man bitch than he ever has.
Heidi and Spencer
In the year 2000 Heidi and Spencer join the cast of I’m A Celebrity in Costa Rica. Realizing what type of mistake they made, Costa Rica makes them both disappear. No one tries looking for them.
May 2009
10 posts
Conan O'brien
In the year 2000 this blogs gets nominated for a nobel peace prize. Sadly I get sued by Conan O’brien and that terd takes it away from me.
The most interesting man in the world
In the year 2000 the most interesting man in the world gets his ass kicked by the second most interesting man in the world, Chuck Norris.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
In the year 2000 arnold schwarzenegger returns to take on his greatest role: a tax raising, ball licking politician that f’s things up worse than when he found it.
Paula Abdul
In the year 2000 Paula Abdul starts her own television show called American Druggie. The show shows much potential but ultimately fails when you can’t understand a freakin thing anyone says.
Swine Flu
In the year 2000 Donald Trump tries to fire the swine flu. He succeeds, at which point the swine flu throws a fit and kills 10 more people.
Tyra Banks
In the year 2000 Tyra Banks is found out to be a terrorist. She is convicted of putting on inhumane t.v. shows that have been terrorizing us for years.
The Hills
In the year 2000 the cast of “The Hills” wake up to find themselves as has-been college students with nothing to live for. Wait, this already happened.
Lawn mowers
In the year 2000 lawn mowers will push themselves and someone will push every Keanu Reeves DVD into a volcano. I can’t wait for this.
Robert Patterson
In the year 2000 Robert Patterson makes another terrible movie but looks good while doing it.
Harry Potter
In the year 2000 Harry Potter will father 3 children with 3 different witches. Life’s a bitch.